Dreaming of Reality

Before you begin reading the following post, my only request is that you please open your heart and mind. Please respect my thoughts. I wrote the following post on my phone as I lay in bed with my cat by my side. That night I just let myself think of everything in my life and where I am now. These are my raw desires and I hope that you will understand.

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I close my eyes and dream of a certain reality I wish could be.

Waves crashing.

Toes submerged in the cool sand.

I stand by the shore wishing I could do much more.

I remember hot summer days of swimming for hours on end.

Oh, what I would give to do that all over again.

With my eyes are still closed I think of the ocean water flowing through my hair as I dunk my body into my island's seas.

I see myself sealing with friends and running to and fro from the shore to the sand.

I see us.

I see myself.

Laughing,

Smiling,

Happy.

But this is all a dream.

A dream of a reality I once knew and loved.

A reality that has quickly become a dream.

My eyes open to know that I cannot be my young self anymore.

I realize that the island girl I used to be...the island girl spending her days with friends and hours in her suit must leave that life and find a new one all covered up.

Long sleeves, cardigans, sweaters, jackets, anything to hide the red splotches that cover up my dreams.

Please don't think me immodest when I say that I wish I could strip myself of not only the layers of material that cover my skin but also of the spots that cover up this island girl who is struggling within.

For years I have struggled, I have cried, I have oiled my body.

And it is now that I wish one thing only.

I wish my dreams would become reality.

But no one can cure me of this evil curse.

No one can take this red, scaly, painful, itchy, dry reality.

No one can give me what I dream of most because everyone knows and especially me.

I know that I am only dreaming.